


Apples to Apples

by Maxegirl1313



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Apples, Character Study, Gen, Tarsus IV, an ungodly amount of symbolism applied to a meaningless item
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-15
Updated: 2013-07-15
Packaged: 2017-12-20 06:16:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/883907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maxegirl1313/pseuds/Maxegirl1313
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To Jim, apples are a sign of victory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Apples to Apples

To Jim, apples are a sign of victory. He eats them after he wins, or when he knows that he's going to.

This tradition goes back a while. He wishes it were just some quirk he picked up over the years-- some strange habit that just formed.

But it's not. He can pinpoint the exact days, the exact years, and maybe not the minute, but definitely the hours that this came to be. So, while he wishes it was just one more unexplainable thing to add the collection of oddities that is Jim Kirk-- it's not.

 

* * *

 

As a child Jim had never liked apples. They were red and bright or green and bright- but they were always bright, shiny and ever-new looking like Frank's beer bottles or George Kirk's car in the garage.

They were one of his brother Sam's favorite foods. Which, when Jim thought about it, fit. Sam was bright and iridescent in his knowledge of everything-- understanding things in a way a big brother always would and little brother never could.

But Jim never liked them. He didn't hate them either. They weren't a little too sweet or a little too sour, a little too juicy and always too messy. They just were.

He almost never ate them, but one day, he happened upon one. Frank was passed out, and Sam was just plain out, neither quite in the mood to deal with Winona's return. Jim was alone and hungry as he waited for his mother, so he ate it.

Winona arrived 3 minutes after the exact time she said she would, but Jim thought they felt like years. When she sees him she reaches out, eyes distant, to ask where Sam is and pat his head like she always does (she never hugs him, Sam tells him that it's 'cause he's not baby anymore, but when Jim tries to point out she still hugs Sam, he punches Jim in the arm hard enough to leave a bruise.)

That's when she sees the apple. Her whole body goes rigid, and she turns sharply away. Jim's head is still angled up, waiting for the little contact he can get. She takes a couple of calming breaths and looks back down at him. This is new-- usually when she does that she walks away and Jim won't see her for the rest of the day.

But this time is different. She looks straight at the apple in his hand and gives him a watery smile. "I didn't know you liked apples, Jimmy." Jim opens his mouth to tell her he doesn't. He was just hungry and couldn’t find anything else, but she doesn't give him the chance.

She gently grabs his thin shoulders and pulls him up against her. And this-- this is new and strange and lovely. Jim can smell her perfume, and feel her breathing. There is a rush of emotions before he finally decides on triumph.

With his mother's arms wrapped tightly around him, Jim promises to eat apples every time she comes home.

But this is not when he starts using apples as his personal champagne. No, this was one small victory, and within a month of his mother's feigned casual indifference, he completely forgets the triumph-tinged appeal of apples.

 

* * *

 

When Jim is 12 he is sent to live on Tarsus IV. At first it's a big improvement. Sam ran away and Frank was progressively more of an asshole, and it was time that damn car stopped being so shiny anyway.

So he goes to live with his Aunt on Tarsus IV. Jim likes it- it’s hard work but he flourishes under the pressure. His teachers tell his aunt that he's a genius and his aunt doesn't get mad like Sam would or water-eyed like mom, she just smiles and says "Well, he sure thinks so."

And Jim loves her for it.

It's great at first, but it doesn’t last. These things never seems to. Jim has never been sheltered and his aunt was frank with him about the crops. But even she couldn't have predicted how suddenly they were all gone. It seemed like hours though it was more like days, maybe even weeks.

Suddenly there was chaos as Kodos- a man Jim had only briefly seen once, a life-time ago, announced that in order to keep some alive, some must die. Most people, so confident they were on the 'good' list, on the 'keep' list didn't even consider running. Most people ended up dead.

Jim's aunt did neither, and a little of both. She quickly established a place for her and Jim to hide-- it had some food. But she didn't shy away from the lists either. She stood proud and brave in the town square as Kodos in a big, booming voice announced whom he had deemed worthless.

Eventually, her name was called. Jim's never was.

–

Jim quickly becomes the leader of a rag-tag bunch. He's always done better under pressure, and there is no greater pressure than the constant threat of death.

He had adults and boys bigger and meaner, and maybe ever smarter than him looking to him for permission, deferring to him, expecting him to make decisions.

So he does. He makes choices and decisions, some of them great some of them bad, but all of them his.

–

When they first formed, there was 27 of them. Now there was 22. Some of them had run off to fend for themselves. Some had been caught. But worst of all was the one who had withered away into nothing. When that had happened the kids all huddled around Jim and begged him not to let that happen to them.

Jim learned how to hunt, how to gather. His aunt had been in process of explaining how to do these things to when she had been—culled ( _murdered,_ Jim thinks against his will _murdered while you sat safe and useless_ ). He can’t help but think that she would have been a much better leader to these kids.

Whenever he found a new plant, he was nibble it, and if he was still alive then 48 hours later, everyone could have some. Besides those incidents, he always ate last (as his aunt had done, when crops were plentiful and it meant nothing more beyond politeness), which oftentimes meant he never ate all.

–

When Jim is exhausted and bone-tired and unsure if he can keep himself alive, much less the multitude of kids that expect him to keep them alive too, he finds himself craving an apple. And when Emma, a girl no older then 6 tugs on his sleeve and begs for food- he sees her shirt was once bright red. She's like a faded apple, too bruised and dirty to eat.

He shoves himself up and goes to find her something.

– 

When Starfleet finally comes Jim is barely functioning anymore. They come and all of the kids crowd behind Jim and he no longer has the strength to push them behind him like he might have once had.

"It's okay," Says a woman in uniform, staring at them with emotion in her eyes. Three men come up behind her and they all hold out their hand in the universal 'we come in peace' gesture. Eventually Jim takes a staggering step forward, to do something, to do  _anything_ and the officer's take it as permission, and Jim had might as well been unconscious. All he could do was mutter 'Shhh, it's okay,' to all of the scared children, and hope that this was right, that these people were here to help, not harm.

When he wakes up, he is in a crowded med bay. There is noise and healthy-looking people and all Jim can do is stare.

–

When Jim is cleared to eat solids, he asks for an apple. The doctor shrugs and gives him a nice red one. Jim stares and stares for nearly an hour before he finally reaches out and grasps the red fruit. The skin is a little less shiny than he remembers, but still so much brighter than he thinks he can handle.

Jim slowly lifts the fruit to his mouth and takes a small, tentative bite. The taste explodes across his mouth, flavor and juices and  _life_  dancing across his tongue.

He looks around the med-bay bustling with life, the apple tastes of victory and accomplishment and celebration, and Jim eats the entire thing, tears running down his cheeks.

 

* * *

 

When Jim knows he's finally going to beat the Kobayashi Maru- it's a moment of bittersweet understanding, and it's a moment of victory, and a moment of his father living. He brought an apple. Not because the apple needed the moment, but because a moment like that?

Definitely calls for an apple.

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another dark character study. *shakes head* I swear I can't seem to write anything else. I wrote this for a challenge I was too late to enter a few years ago. I'm still not happy with it. One day I will write a better, more complex Winona Kirk. Unfortunately, today is not that day. Maybe one day I won't use 34906 bajillion line breaks. Unfortunately, today is not that day either. Constructive criticism would be much appreciated!


End file.
